the more lazy i become, the more i remember the way i used to be

first of all, i’m sorry for not updating this blog for several weeks. you see, when you too indulge in your so-called job (i haven’t worked here, officially, but i have to work some things out, and those some things are include saturdays and sundays workhours, so fuck me and my idealism), you have to find some kind of escape from reality, a kind of thing that surreal, in my case that thing is: diecast

and so i bought this piece of shit 2 weeks ago. a tomica mitsubishi lancer evolution X 1/50 scale model. it cost me Rp 29.800 though, but it worth the penny. and of course i also bought the ultimate holy-thing honda new fit, but i kept it inside the box, in my house where no one, yes no one, can ever-ever touch it but me. while the evo x i brought to my cubicle, where i can use it to ram it to the wall, take it a spin (around the cubicle, not Kemang), and show it to my fellow colleague.

it’s unexplainable, if you know what i mean, to find it interesting. there’s a funny feeling when you can buy your dream ride for less than Rp 50.000 and hold it in your palm.

“twenty-seven years of nothin’ but failures

and promises that i couldn’t keep

Oh Lord i wasn’t ready to go, i’m never ready to go

let it ride” 

– Let It Ride, Ryan Adams

oh yeah, that “twenty-seven”, make it “twenty-three”.

a bunch of thanks for those who greets me with their “happy birthday”s.

may God bless you all. 

“if you ain’t smart enough, work hard enough”

–Mum

simple, yet very relevant

as a slothful IT labour, which i would never dream of, i mindlessly code day by day.

leaving me in vague, do i have to code for the rest of my life?

i knew that this is not my calling, tho i have to admit that i’m starting to get used to it.

this dreary job could make you insane somehow, somewhen.

remember the ‘all work and no play makes jack a dull boy’ phrase?

so, in order to save my sanity (and my so-called-life), i play.

what am i playin’? well, you already know what i’m capable of, right? ^_^

I’ve changed.

I just hope that I’m on the right track.

“there’s nothing in this world that is not urgent”

said my current boss, on the verge of a long weekend, a couple of weeks ago.

pernahkah anda cebok menggunakan HandyClean?

saya pernah. rasanya dingin. FYI, saya tidak hobi cebok dengan HandyClean, ada cerita di belakang ini. begini ceritanya.

Jumat, 2 Februari 2007. banjir hebat melanda jakarta. saya berangkat ke BSD dari rumah di Cempaka Putih jam 6.30. tidak ada firasat akan terjadi banjir. ketika sampai di pintu tol pondok ranji, saya diberitahu penjaga tol, “Mas, di depan banjir 40-80 cm, kayaknya mobil mas ga bisa deh”. saya putar balik, lalu memutuskan untuk menunggu banjir surut (ya, saya tahu, itu bodoh sekali) di kampus FKG Moestopo.

ada 3 alasan mengapa saya menunggu di kampus FKG Moestopo:

1. lokasi terdekat dengan pintu tol veteran
2. biaya parkir tidak dihitung per jam, malah kadang gratis
3. mahasiswinya cantik-cantik ^_^

setelah berjam-jam menunggu, saya ditelpon rumah, “jalan depan rumah banjir, kayaknya kamu ga bisa lewat”. ke BSD tidak bisa, ke rumah juga tidak bisa. kemudian saya sadar saya stuck di sini, di kampus yang para mahasiswinya sudah pulang karena ujian dibatalkan. terpaksa bergaul dengan para satpam.

“ujan mulu nih”

“iya”

“banjir dimana-mana”

“hmm”

benar-benar bikin males. saat-saat seperti ini perasaan itu datang. perasaan ingin BAB. saya putar otak. memang sih masih bisa ditahan, tapi setidaknya kalau keluar bisa meringankan pikiran saya setelah bergaul dengan satpam.

sabun, saya butuh sabun.

saya mencari minimarket di dalam kampus. tidak ada, yang ada hanya toko perawatan gigi (wajar, tidak wajar kalau ada bengkel di dalam kampus FKG). saya bertanya ke penjaga toko.

“ada sabun, mbak?”

“sabun apa?”

“apa aja”

“ngga ada”

kalau tidak ada ya jangan nanya jenisnya apa dong. kembali saya memutar otak. apa yang saya bawa di dalam mobil? jaket, celana dalam, cucian kotor, kardus, flashdisk, revisi skripsi, permen, CD, ban serep, kaset, tempat sampah, dongkrak, hmm tidak ada yang bisa dijadikan sabun. tiba-tiba saya teringat sesuatu. HandyClean! ya, kalau dia berhasil membersihkan tangan, pasti dia juga bisa membersihkan (maaf) bokong. saya bergegas ke parkiran. kronologis BAB tak perlu dituliskan di sini, karena semua orang pasti sudah pernah mengalami.

selepas sholat Jumat, saya mencoba lagi ke pintu tol pondok ranji. ternyata jalan tol ditutup sama warga. karena kampus FKG Moestopo sudah ditutup (dan saya juga sudah males) saya nekat pulang. macet parah di tol dalam kota. saya berangkat jam setengah 2 siang, sampai rumah kurang lebih jam 5 sore.

Alhamdulillah, saya berhasil melewati sidang.

*yay!*

lumayanlah untuk seorang mahasiswa ber-IQ dan bertampang pas-pasan
(baca: pas gantengnya) seperti saya.

dan sekarangpun saya resmi menjadi pengangguran.

*sigh*

have you ever feel like, when you were working on something for so long, or maybe too long, until you don’t know what the fuck you are doing?

i do.

workaround for months, and suddenly you started to questioning yourself.

where am i?

what am i doing?

what’s my goal?

why do i still procrastinate?

why do people fuss?

you predispose this kind of attitude, and you start to indulge in it, and when you do, you’ll be overwhelmed.

no, this is not the symptom of autism, tho people say that computer science students are semi-autistic. edgy? yes. autistic? hell no. well, at least on my case. too many computers degrades social ability, that is certain.